He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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