When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
