I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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