I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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