My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
whose parrot is this?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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