I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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