oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
