omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
