Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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