o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you never un-have a 4some
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
