kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
