You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
