WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
