it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
