the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
