Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
