Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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