so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
