am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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