At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
