when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
