i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
