Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't put those talents on a resume
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
