We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
