oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
