have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
