I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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