I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize