How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
