he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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