This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
