It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
