my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
