Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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