so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
