Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize