Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
