First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
