I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
