dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
