chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
