he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the day after is always just damage control
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
