STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
