And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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