hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
