he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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