Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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