I wish my penis had an off switch
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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