maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
