Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's blow job season.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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