Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize