so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
