Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
