Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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