i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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