I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize