alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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