Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
