I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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