Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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