the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
