i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
