i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
