Where is the hickey?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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