My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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