I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
