This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
