It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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