Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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