i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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