I'm passing your future prison.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize